I had a consultation last week that I keep thinking about.
A woman came in who had been to several stylists around the city who do gray blending. She had black box dye she’d been using for a while, and gray was growing in at her roots. When I looked closely, the gray wasn’t very strong. It looked strong next to the dark, but I could tell it wouldn’t grow out as light as she was hoping.
Her inspiration pictures showed hair that was probably a natural level 7 with highlights. Taking her base from a dark level 4 up to a level 7 is a color service, and a corrective one at that. It isn’t gray blending, and it didn’t match what she told me she wanted, which was low maintenance. With her dark roots, the upkeep would have been the same or higher than what she was already doing.
I told her that. We went over it exhaustively. I tried to avoid hairdresser words and I repeated back what she said so she knew I heard her, and she still wasn’t getting it. She had a picture in her head and my explanation wasn’t getting past it. That’s on me. If she didn’t understand, I didn’t explain it in a way she could.
Then I looked at her face. She was nearly in tears. She told me other stylists had gotten frustrated and she felt unheard. And I realized I was doing the same thing they did. I was telling her no.
I understand why they turned her down. I probably would have been tempted to as well. What was different for me was seeing her that close to tears. She had been turned away everywhere. So my goal changed. I wanted to hear her, tell her the real truth about what a blend would look like on her hair, and see if that was still something she wanted.
She said, “I know it’s going to be slow. And I know it could take even one or two years, but if I don’t start somewhere, how is it ever going to happen? Am I stuck with this color for my whole life?”
What I heard was that she doesn’t mind a slow go, as long as she’s moving toward the goal.
So I told her what I could do (not in “hairstylist speak”). A lighter demi on her roots, knowing it would look translucent and wouldn’t be much lighter, just enough to blend. Then add on highlights to break up the dark. I told her she’d probably leave with a lot of red that would show as it faded, sha said it was ok, and I said it more than once until she told it back to me in her own words.
My goal was…
So I told her what I could do (not in “hairstylist speak”). A lighter demi on her roots, knowing it would look translucent and wouldn’t be much lighter, just enough to blend. Then add on highlights to break up the dark. I told her she’d probably leave with a lot of red that would show as it faded, she said it was ok, and I said it more than once until she told it back to me in her own words.
She didn’t want to see any white, which doesn’t fit with growing out gray, so I was upfront that it meant a slightly darker look. My goal was soft roots, not a sharp line. It would take several appointments to dial in, and she might want a shorter haircut down the road.
I could have gone more dramatic, like I used to do a lot. The full transformation, a long day, get her as light as possible, and bring her back as her hair can take it. From experience I know the messy middle is hard on a client. You’re toning a lot, and it’s hard to keep a tone that looks pretty while it grows out. Her main thing was that she didn’t want to be in the salon as often. That’s why I suggested the slow method, which is something I’ve been doing more of lately.
In the end she told me she needs to think about it, whether she wants the lighter color or the gray blend. I felt like she understood what I was trying to say. I don’t know what she’ll choose.
I was braver and more communicative with her than I’ve ever been. This is why my gray blending consultations run 45 minutes and why I charge for them. It comes off her service if she books that day. Sometimes the consultation is most of the work.
If you’ve ever turned away a client like this, or been scared to take one on, think about what that felt like for her. Before you say no, see if you can hear her out first. Sometimes the first thing she needs is to be heard, even if you can’t do the service or don’t want to.